SHERMEEN :D

on Saturday, July 18, 2009 5:37 PM

I was late for piano. And I sorta got lectured.
Then later, I sort of cried during lesson :/
And I felt so sad after that. :(

I walked to popular after that. (I wanted to take a cab at first.)
But I thought that a walk while listening to music would help me calm down.

And I had a shopping spree at popular! Yes, I did.
Other than my foolscap and parts of my construction set, the rest of the things were purely a waste of money, that brought a sense of satisfaction to me! No, I don't feel guilty. Because I AM going to put all these things I bought into good use.
My colour pens are for my revision.
I bought this mesh bag/ tiny pencil case to store all my colour pens.
I finally bought my pencil case. Which I thought was cute. And it was considerably cheap!
And coloured paper which I am going to use it very soon, within these few days :D

And then I went to NTUC, and decided to restock my coke! And bought a bag of roller coaster!
Watched My Girl! *melts*
And Boys over Flowers later! Yayness!

I tried physics. I gave up halfway and went to sleep. But I think I attempted to finish my homework.
Then I tried History mock exam paper. And I'm left with the essay questions which I'm going to do after dinner, before Boys over Flowers!
I haven't done my History notes for today. And I think I'm so dead.
Prelims are crawling nearer. I can't escape any further.

I thought my post today was for ranting. But well, not that I'm not going to rant. I still am. But at least, it seemed livelier than I thought.

And I wasn't as strong as I thought I was.
I seem to be losing confidence in everything I do.
Prelims. Piano. And my other commitments.
Mrs Tay says I can't pass my Grade 8 with such skills. I guessed if there was a chance, she would have withdrawn my application. Now that I'm going for exam, it's a 50-50 chance. Or perhaps lesser that I can pass. Screw scales, screw pieces, screw sight-reading, screw aural. Screw 21 August. GG to me.
I think I must be some failure, who can't even master 4 pieces in 2 years.
I'm not putting in effort, though I thought I was.
I can't talk to anyone. Cos they'll all prolly say that it's not that difficult.
Yeah yeah. Prelims.
Guess what. I have been playing piano for as long as I have been studying.
So? Which do I sacrifice?
Technically, yes. Studies are more important. But I'm supposed to achieve balance. Easy as I think it is. All the procrastination, what the hell am I even sitting here infront of the computer. Facebooking, blogging and whatever shit.
I think I'm a utter loser. I thought it was easy to put it down and carry on with my life.
But no, I feel like something is losing in me.
I don't feel that whatsoever "sense of belonging".
I feel like I'm disregarded. I wanted people to care about my feelings. But I realised, I was just being stupid cos reality don't work that way.
Well, what I have gotta really do is just put down my past, and go back to being that Shermin I was 4 years back then. Cos nobody will remember. It's like being invisible. And me feeling hurt, will not make others feel like that too.
Cos it's time to move on. For whatever more important things the adults say.

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